January 9, 2019
So, this is actually my VERY first time writing as a Mrs! I’ve been on a bit of a blogging hiatus, which was needed between the chaos of our wedding, traveling for work, and the holiday season. BUT I am refreshed, settled in to our home in Downtown Atlanta, and have missed the Hidden Promise fam. I hope y’all are bringing in the new year with a renewed mind and spirit, eager for the promises that 2019 has in store.
Ironically, this part of the Courting Series is less about our courting itself, and more about the gap – the gap between our first date and our next, when the courting would truly begin (five months later), the gap between our newfound connection and the calling on my life in that season; the gap between what could have been, and what would eventually become.
If you read Part 1 of my Courting Series (check it out here if not), you know that the story of my now-husband and didn’t start out as your typical, “boy-meets-girl, girl falls for boy, they date and get married and live happily ever” story. Our courting season didn’t even start until five months after our first date, as it was only one month after that date that I would pack up my bags, move to another state, and basically cut off all communication off for a season.
See, even though that first date was everything I could’ve ever dreamt up and then some, I knew in my heart that it wasn’t yet my season to be entering into a relationship. God had been prodding my heart with the question, “When am I going to be enough for you?” for some time. I knew that He was calling me to move out of my comfort zone for a reason, and that where I was going at that time was for ME, and me alone.
We ended that first date with me telling Dimitri I would be moving in exactly one month to a new state, and that I knew it was my time to leave; without attachments. Just me, and God. I knew he was hurt, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he encouraged me, and told me he knew I would be great out there.
I arrived in Texas October 24, eager to start a new chapter, albeit anxious to be in a new environment not really knowing anyone except for my dad’s family. In the past, I had frequently compromised major life decisions (where to go to college, business opportunities, etc.) due to relationships, and to know I was truly putting God first in this decision filled me in a way I’d never really experienced before. Within a month, I was serving as a youth worship leader (I had never sang in front of crowds in my life, but music and singing were always hidden passions of mine), writing music, fellowshipping with new friends, and learning so much in my new professional role. Dimitri and I would talk from time to time, but nothing too in depth.
This, was my season of preparation. Of new doors opening. Of my heart being molded like never before. Of new heights being reached that I thought would remain in my dreams forever. This was my season of healing from old wounds. Of understanding what it meant to be able to honestly say that God truly is enough; that He alone was all I needed all along. Without this “gap” season, Part 3 of this story would never have come to fruition. So, I honor the gap. I NEEDED it, even when I couldn’t fully understand why at the time. See, the thing about seasons like this is, they often don’t feel great. They’re stretching, uncomfortable, and intimidating…but one thing I know for sure is this: sometimes you have to let things of your timing go, in order for God to bring about restoration in HIS timing. I left Florida on October 24, not knowing if I would ever see Dimitri again. I couldn’t understand why I had to meet him during a time where I knew God was calling me to be alone, but now I see, He was showing me a glimpse of the beautiful promise that would be birthed through my obedience and faith in Him.
What I now know, is that part 3 of our story was already pre-written by the ultimate Author (just like parts 4, 5, and all of the rest that will come during our lifetime) – it was just up to me to trust, even when I couldn’t see, to move, even when I wasn’t sure why, and to know, that even if everything I had was stripped away, it would all work together for my good in the end. That no matter what was to come, letting it all go, for HIM, would always be worth it.